Listen to the full episode of the Rooted Sports Psychology Show with Dr. Jen Fry and Georgia Miller here.
Navigating the world of youth sports as a parent can be both rewarding and overwhelming. The pressure to support your child, manage expectations, and handle the emotional rollercoaster of wins and losses is real. In a recent episode of the Rooted Sport Psychology Show, host Georgia Miller and guest Dr. Jen Fry—a former athlete, college coach, and professional speaker—delve deep into the nuanced challenges parents face and offer actionable, expert-backed advice for fostering healthy, independent, and resilient young athletes.
Below, we break down the main themes and expert tips from the episode, providing you with a comprehensive guide to supporting your child’s athletic journey.
1. Foster Independence and Decision-Making
Why It Matters
Dr. Jen Fry emphasizes that one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the ability to make decisions and experience the consequences—good or bad. Shielding kids from failure or making choices for them may feel protective, but it stunts their growth and self-advocacy skills.
Actionable Strategies
- Let Kids Own Their Choices:
If your child wants to quit a team or skip extra practice, let them make that call. Discuss the potential outcomes, but don’t force your agenda. - Set Clear Expectations and Consequences:
For example, if your child signs up for a club sport with a financial commitment, clarify upfront what happens if they back out. Dr. Fry suggests having the child take responsibility, such as working to pay back fees, rather than forcing participation or guilt-tripping. - Encourage Problem-Solving:
When issues arise, ask guiding questions: - “What do you think is the best way to handle this?”
- “What can you learn from this experience?”
Expert Insight
“When parents wrap their kids in bubble wrap, they’re actually limiting their ability to navigate challenges independently. Let them make decisions and learn from the outcomes.” — Dr. Jen Fry
2. Separate Financial Investment from Emotional Expectations
Why It Matters
Youth sports can be expensive, and it’s easy for parents to tie their expectations to the money spent. This can create pressure for both parent and child, leading to resentment and anxiety.
Actionable Strategies
- Focus on Growth, Not ROI:
The only reasonable expectations are that your child is safe, learning, having fun, and growing as a person. Don’t expect a “return on investment” in the form of scholarships or wins. - Avoid Guilt Trips:
Don’t remind your child of the money spent as a way to motivate or guilt them into performing. - Communicate Sacrifices Clearly:
Set boundaries about what participation means (e.g., missing social events, travel commitments) without making your child feel responsible for the family’s finances.
Expert Insight
“If you focus solely on the money, you risk having a miserable experience. The investment should be about your child’s growth, not your expectations.” — Dr. Jen Fry
3. Be a Supportive Cheerleader, Not a Sideline Coach
Why It Matters
Parental behavior on the sidelines can significantly impact a child’s confidence and relationship with their coach. Coaching from the stands or critiquing every play undermines the coach’s authority and can confuse or embarrass your child.
Actionable Strategies
- Cheer, Don’t Coach:
Offer encouragement and positive reinforcement. Avoid giving technical advice or instructions during games. - Model Emotional Regulation:
Stay calm, even when things don’t go your child’s way. Your reactions set the tone for how your child processes setbacks. - Avoid Post-Game Overanalysis:
The car ride home should be a safe space. Offer a hug and a simple, “I love watching you play.” Let your child lead any deeper conversations about the game.
Expert Insight
“Parents need to be the supportive cheerleaders, not the sideline coaches. Emotional regulation is key—your calm presence helps your child stay resilient.” — Dr. Jen Fry
4. Empower Your Child to Advocate for Themselves
Why It Matters
Learning to communicate with coaches and address concerns is a vital life skill. When parents intervene on issues like playing time, it shifts the focus from the child’s growth to the parent’s emotions and can damage relationships.
Actionable Strategies
- Encourage Direct Communication:
If your child is upset about playing time or team dynamics, help them prepare to talk to the coach themselves. Role-play conversations and offer emotional support. - Step Back Unless It’s Serious:
Only intervene directly if there are serious issues like bullying or safety concerns. - Use Journaling:
If you’re struggling with your own emotions, process them privately—through journaling or talking with another adult—before discussing with your child or their coach.
Expert Insight
“Parents should never approach coaches about playing time. Help your child learn to self-advocate instead.” — Dr. Jen Fry
5. Maintain Healthy Boundaries and a Life Outside of Sports
Why It Matters
Being overly involved in your child’s sports life can lead to burnout for both of you. It’s important for parents to maintain their own interests and for children to develop independence.
Actionable Strategies
- Don’t Feel Guilty for Not Attending Every Event:
It’s okay to miss some practices or games. Use that time for your own activities or self-care. - Encourage Independence:
Let your child manage their own schedule, equipment, and communication with coaches as much as possible. - Model Balance:
Show your child that sports are just one part of a well-rounded life.
Expert Insight
“You don’t need to be at every practice or game to support your child. Creating healthy boundaries benefits both parent and athlete.” — Dr. Jen Fry
6. Help Your Child Develop an Identity Beyond Sports
Why It Matters
Athletes who see themselves only as “the soccer player” or “the swimmer” can struggle with self-worth and transition when their sports careers change or end.
Actionable Strategies
- Encourage Diverse Interests:
Support your child in exploring hobbies, friendships, and activities outside of sports. - Use Travel as an Opportunity:
When traveling for tournaments, explore new places and experiences together. - Promote Team Bonding:
Encourage participation in team-building activities that aren’t just about competition.
Expert Insight
“Help your child see themselves in multiple roles, not just as an athlete. This supports mental health and smooth transitions.” — Georgia Miller
7. Stop Comparing Your Child to Others
Why It Matters
Comparisons can create unnecessary pressure and lead to poor decisions. Every athlete’s journey is unique.
Actionable Strategies
- Focus on Individual Progress:
Celebrate your child’s personal growth and achievements, regardless of how they stack up against others. - Avoid “Keeping Up with the Joneses”:
Don’t let other families’ choices dictate your own. Make decisions based on what’s best for your child and family.
Expert Insight
“Comparing your child to others leads to poor decisions and unnecessary pressure. Every journey is different.” — Dr. Jen Fry
8. Prioritize Emotional Safety and Growth
Why It Matters
The ultimate goal of youth sports should be to foster resilience, confidence, and joy—not just to win games or earn scholarships.
Actionable Strategies
- Remind Your Child You Love Watching Them Play:
Regularly express your support and pride, regardless of outcomes. - Help Them Process Setbacks:
When things go wrong, ask, “What can you do differently next time?” rather than focusing on blame. - Celebrate Effort and Growth:
Recognize hard work, improvement, and sportsmanship as much as victories.
Expert Insight
“The only reasonable expectations are that your child is safe, having fun, learning, and growing as a person.” — Dr. Jen Fry
Final Thoughts and Resources
Parenting a young athlete is a journey filled with challenges, growth, and opportunities for connection. By focusing on independence, emotional regulation, and healthy boundaries, you can help your child thrive both on and off the field.
For more expert advice, listen to the full episode of the Rooted Sport Psychology Show here.
Recommended Resource:
Dr. Jen Fry’s new book, I Said No: How to Have Boundaries and Backbone Without Being a Jerk, offers practical tools for navigating family conflict and building strong communication.
“Remember: Your role is not to be the motivator, coach, or negotiator—but the loving, supportive cheerleader who empowers your child to own their journey.” —Georgia Miller, CMPC, ME